he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
