Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to make out with him forever
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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