happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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