You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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