You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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