I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
