Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
