She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
