My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
