ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
