I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
