im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
