Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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