The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
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