I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
