so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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