I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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