he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
