Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
