y did u give ur computer a hand job?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
