I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
