I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
