I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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