So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
