He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
