This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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