its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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