Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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