KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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