her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
