Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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