yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
