The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
