I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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