I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
