I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
