It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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