The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
