Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
