Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
