well I can't set my house on fire every night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This show inspires me to have sex in space
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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