coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
