Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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