She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize