Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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