you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
