how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize