We need to rekindle our bromance
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
