I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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