Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??