Bea Arthur died! :(
Big bird passed.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.