As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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