Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...

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  (714): It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks... http://tfl.nu/l4e9
  Replies (2) Good night (1165) Bad night (444)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio

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  (617): I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio http://tfl.nu/knlp
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today

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  (507): I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today http://tfl.nu/y9fa
  Replies (3) Good night (1043) Bad night (1338)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

  (1-323): View more from California

  Did you put it in the freezer again?

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  (323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child. (1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again? http://tfl.nu/uvmz
  Replies (29) Good night (909) Bad night (6266)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.

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  (310): ...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have. http://tfl.nu/9vj6
  Replies (53) Good night (867) Bad night (4449)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.

  (727): View more from Florida

  More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.

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  (954): I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning. (727): More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort. http://tfl.nu/lvyr
  Replies (15) Good night (4681) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.

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  (314): used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever. http://tfl.nu/t3hd
  Replies (6) Good night (1099) Bad night (3644)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.

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  (610): I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird. http://tfl.nu/pqr9
  Replies (5) Good night (2554) Bad night (1555)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.

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  (704): Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining. http://tfl.nu/owux
  Replies (14) Good night (5315) Bad night (991)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that

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  (904): I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that http://tfl.nu/s246
  Replies (4) Good night (2842) Bad night (691)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving

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  (509): Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving http://tfl.nu/hfo8
  Replies (3) Good night (1491) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.

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  (201): I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free. http://tfl.nu/mbnk
  Replies (4) Good night (2416) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sex in a tree stand. check.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  you lucky bastard

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  (317): sex in a tree stand. check. (765): you lucky bastard http://tfl.nu/avsw
  Replies (8) Good night (1941) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.

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  (914): Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block. http://tfl.nu/om9a
  Replies (0) Good night (474) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.

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  (251): Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road. http://tfl.nu/x4ff
  Replies (3) Good night (517) Bad night (170)

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