she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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