I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
