You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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