i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Small penises have feelings too.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You made out with two different species that night
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
