i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
