Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool