we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins