Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.