I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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