they're staring at me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere