Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
