I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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