So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
True college students do jello shots in the library
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
