then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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