Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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