carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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