how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
