Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she was so not down for the gang bang
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You are a genius and a whore.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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