I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
