after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
