Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How does it feel to date your dad?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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