I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
